We received an e-mail from a pastor looking for a bonnet to be shipped to an orphanage in a foreign land. It’s amazing how expensive car parts seem to be over there! As an eCommerce retailer and as a consumer, we have to constantly look out for dishonest folk who are trying to defraud. Luckily for us these ingenious thieves usually use a similar modus operandi. We recently consulted with some of the world’s leading criminal psychologists in order to create a criminal profile of the online fraudster in the hope of solving international internet fraud forever. Here’s what we all came up with:
1. The online fraudster will often introduce themselves as members of the clergy, frequently as ‘pastors’. This immediately raises suspicion as the last pastor I ever saw was a travelling pastor who appeared in an episode of ‘Little House on the Prairie’ - and he turned out to be dodgy too. They can be disguised as priests, bishops, cardinals, preachers, spiritual advisors etc. - so do not be fooled by their wicked deception. I actually feel sorry for legitimate members of the clergy who may be trying to purchase items online, with no success. But at least they will forgive.
2. They frequently pretend to work in orphanages or other charitable homes / institutions for the underprivileged. In our case, the Fiat Ducato radiator that they URGENTLY require will often be required for their orphanage bus or the Sat Nav may be essential in guiding hundreds of children from impending poverty. They will often try and give you more money than the advertised product price - for God's sake man save it for the orphanage!
3. They often have an existing relationship with a freight or logistics company, so they won’t require you to ship the product as they will make the necessary shipping arrangements. Why would a pastor have so many connections in the logistics trade? Just how much communion are these pastors shipping around the world???
4. Their stories may often parallel the plots of Dynasty or Dallas. They will belong to a dysfunctional family which has recently suffered an untimely and suspicious death. They are the sole benefactor of the dead person’s will, but are aware that their siblings are trying to defraud them of their inheritance. They will need your immediate help to transfer the millions of dollars safely out of their country. Don’t be fooled. Frequently they may require a trustworthy business such as yours in which to transfer vast amounts of money. These figures would be some way believable if they were in the thousands, but when they approaches you with a bank transfer of $30,000,000 you can be fairly confident that something isn’t quite right.
5. They will often address you in an over the top manner. They will use expressions such as ‘God Almighty Bless You’, ‘Thousands of Kisses Upon You and Your Wonderful Family’ or some other ridiculous expression of love. For us Irish, not used to expressing emotion until at least 10 pints of porter have been consumed, this is particularly disconcerting. They will say that they know you are a ‘Trustworthy and Heavenly Person’, although they have never met you. Do not be fooled by their false affection. You can be guaranteed once they get your cash you will receive no Christmas cards from these tricksters.
So there you have it - a fool-proof way to spot cunning thieves who lurk around the internet superhighway trying to rip people off.